Tudor-Era Trick: No Obama-flavored pizza

Yesterday was finally pizza day! It's been eight months or so since I've had real pizza* and I've been looking forward to sitting down to a nice spread. Maybe a few pieces of hand tossed and thin crust and even deep dish! Some with meat and some with Parmesan cheese piled higher than tide-line of my drink. I fasted all day because I was planning on eating more pizza than I could possibly imagine. I wanted to leave Pizza Hut with a certain amount of regret and with thoughts of exploding if anyone made contact with my tummy-tum. I really, really wanted to redefine "all you can eat."

What I got was another reminder that my new home doesn't have any reminders of the States. There are certain things that I miss which this country doesn't offer and I'm learning to live without but I'm still looking for something to remind me of the States and give me a little personal comfort. I unfortunately hung my depleting hopes on pizza.

This Pizza Hut didn't offer a buffet at the time we went. As a matter-of-fact, it didn't post any times for the buffet, just the general time of "Lunch Time." It did have a Happy Hour offer! It included an Italian flavored pizza with garlic bread and a drink*** for only 4 pounds. Not too bad....right? Wrong! The pizza might have been a cheap frozen pizza which was undercooked. Oh, and it was an individual-sized pizza. Which means if you are a person who has been starving all day just to eat too much at a buffet then you might be a bit disappointed with a few slices from a six-inch pizza. After asking for pizza for the last 6 months and pointing out every Pizza Hut and Papa John's which are passed, that is what I get. The Moral: Never pin your hopes on pizza.

But something great came out of the horror, Theo! Theo loved being in the restaurant! It was the first time all of us have been out together. (Theo and Mommy get out a lot more than me) So I enjoyed watching Theo watching everyone. He had his back to the people so he had to twist around and look over his shoulders. Theo also used a highchair and he loved it! The highchair had its own table which instantly grabbed little man's attention. He didn't bang on it but instead he loved it by keeping it clean. He was constantly sweeping his arms back-and-forth making sure nothing was tainting his table. If I set one of his toys on the table then he would quickly dispense of the toy to get his table back to its harmony of clean and clear. We may have to get him his own table soon.

Here's a pic of Theo's first spoon fed meal.

*Real Pizza: There are a few types of food that I consider to be "real" when it's served in a restaurant and not cooked or prepared at home. Two of those foods are pizza and Chinese**. Although I love frozen pizza, it's a super treat to have a pizza delivered or find a good buffet.

**Pizza and Chinese: I've never had homemade Chinese food so my opinion of what's real Chinese food is a bit small minded. Plus I think my thoughts on pizza and Chinese food is greatly affected by the buffet. Both are foods that are served in great numbers and variety.

*** A drink in this country is exactly that....a drink. If you want more soda than you have to pay for it. 'Refill' technically means "buy new drink."

A train full of horses.

It's snowing again. I was told that snow is a rare thing in Edinburgh yet it seems to snow every other week. It may not last for a whole day but it is enough snow to make everything white and clean. The weather makes it tough to get out and see the world but bad weather has its place. I would like to think that bad weather was the inspiration behind these foods. And I know for a fact that bad weather was the motivating factor for this product.

Of course bad weather days can lead to great internet discoveries. I'm glad this person shared Obama's potty-mouth with us. I hope this means that Obama won't be a censorship-tyrant like former President Bush. I just wish Obama wasn't so racist. Have fun.

And it's also refreshing to see that anyone can be a "wanker." Click here.

Finally, here is a quick reminder of who is the cutest baby boy in the whole world.

Oh yeah, I think I'm getting real pizza tonight!! Look out!

A week in the South.

We took Theo on a trip to visit his little cousin Zosia. Zosia and her parents live in a little town called Henley-on-Thames. Theo took to the 9 hour car ride like a champ. He slept most of the way and enjoyed eating in the parking lots of many different service areas.

(A BBC ad just said the phrase "...a troubled pianist." Pretty funny to a person who still has ears for an American accent and who is only half paying attention.)

Anyway, Theo had a great visit with Zosia. It's great knowing that these little cousins are going to spend a life-time together. Theo also spent a day in London, the Big Smoke. It was a much more fast-paced atmosphere than he is used to but he really enjoyed it.

But the big news came down on the first night we were there. Theo hasn't been sleeping well recently, he's been waking up two time or more during the night, and we discovered why. Theo has teeth! You can see for yourself.

Here is a closer look!

That's his first two teeth. Now we are waiting for the next four from above.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

And have a happy February! (White rabbit, white rabbit, white rabbit!)

Superman

Superman Returns was on TV. As an action movie there isn't anything to dislike. But like most action-type movies, the story is a downer. Now, I know that if I'm willing to believe that there is a person who is invincible then I should also go along with all the other plots. Having said that, here are some questions.

1) Can Superman reproduce with a human? Generally speaking, he isn't human and he's a different species. (Kathryn's point)

2) Can Superman ejaculate? Seriously? If he doesn't feel pain then isn't it safe to say he doesn't feel pleasure. Ok, lets say he can ejaculate. Why would he want to? He can't feel pleasure.

3) If he can feel pleasure, and he can reproduce with humans, shouldn't he breed as much as possible? Wouldn't the world be a better place with more Supermen?

4) If he can feel pleasure and feels like mass producing super off-spring, what is the ratio of "good" Supermen to "bad" Supermen? And what is the lowest ratio we, as humans, are comfortable living with? 10 to 1? 8 to 1?

5) Whose side would Superman be on, the Israelis' or the Palestinians'?

6) Did Bush 43's politics and influence on the world change Superman's motto? If you didn't notice, Superman only stood for "truth and justice." I guess the "American Way" isn't good enough.

Word.

Thirty Comes and Goes

Birthdays mean different things to different people and some years are more important than others. I finally hit 30. Just a couple of years ago if you were to ask me what I was going to do for my 30th birthday I would have made a gun gesture with my hand and placed it in my mouth. I always thought I would rather die than be old and that hasn't changed. The only difference between now and a couple years ago is how I define "old."

They say you are as old as you feel. Hmmm... What the fuck does that mean? I'm mentally the age of a mature Arnie Grape, and I physically feel like I'm about 52. So I guess that averages out to be about 30. I can't complain too much because I've out-lived some great people: Kurt, Jimi, Jim, Janis. Which makes me think they weren't that great. In a few years more, I'll be older than Jesus which means (that's right!) I'll be greater than Jesus! In ten more years I'll be greater than Lennon. My greatness will be unstoppable!

So what does someone do on their 30th birthday? I know a 16 year old will go out driving, a 21 year old will go out drinking, and a 25 year old will check his auto insurance. I don't know what a 30 year old does besides trying to reenact Deer Hunter. But here's my day in a nutshell.

I woke up around 9 am. (I was actually up before that with the baby but I fell back asleep as soon as I could.) I took Theo with me so he didn't disturb his mommy, and to let her catch up on some sleep. Then Theo and I had a discussion about Israeli politics while eating a bowl of cereal. I agreed with Theo on everything until he said that Israel is finally worse than France. No one will ever be worse than France, but I cut him some slack since he's only three months old. After breakfast we decided to watch a movie. I considered this to be a good opportunity to show Theo one of my favorite movies, Boogie Nights. He loved it!

As the movie was ending Kathryn was up and ready to make me lunch. We had waffles, eggs and bacon. It was good and I was stuffed. Of course the waffles made me think about Karate Kid, so I popped it into the DVD player. (If you didn't know, KK is another one of my favorite movies) Theodore loved it and was mimicking the crane-technique while I was trying to change his diaper. Then we watched some movies that were on the TV. We saw Jurassic Park, Interview with a Vampire, Crocodile Dundee II, and then some other horror thing. Oh, I think Great Balls of Fire is coming on later! (puke...)

The best part of watching movies that you've already seen is the freedom. It's easy to walk away from a movie when you know what's going to happen. That allowed me to catch up on all our laundry, cook the food, do the dishes and knit. I actually got a lot of knitting done today. I'm hoping to finish my two current projects by Monday.

So what does a person do for their 30th? Apparently, they watch old movies from their childhood while do laundry and knitting. (and stay up until 3 am typing a stupid blog.)

Christmas Plans

Happy Christmas!

Becoming a new daddy has changed everything about Christmas. No longer is it a worry-free day of receiving gifts and eating great food. The worries are now mine and the food will have to lose some greatness because it will be prepared by me. (Not this year...but in the future) In another year or two I'm going to be the one fielding "I wants" from a child and that's very strange to imagine. I'm going to have to get a more mature, "father-like" stocking. I'm going to have to start keeping up with toys again. I'm going to have to start keeping an eye on the hip-n-cool radar again. I'm going to have to be the worrying parent. My job is going to be about making sure my little Theo doesn't go back to school, after Christmas, as the dorky-douchey-didn't-get-cool-shit kid. (That's almost as important as making sure your kid doesn't grow-up to be a pole dancer. Which, by the way, starts by not giving your child a stripper name, like Sky or Destiny or any name that's a city, state or country.)

How about a couple of gift tips? Ok, here's what I have:

1) Cheap First Christmas!!! If this is your child's first Christmas then you are lucky! (Like me!!) All you have to do is go out and buy all the most expensive, kick-ass gifts around. Your baby, who won't have a true memory of the event, will never know or suspect your next move: returning every gift for a full refund! You only need the gifts long enough to take a photo. So in 10 years you can look back with your child and show them all the cool stuff they received on their first Christmas. Guess what? You've just became more kick-ass than before!

2) People who are hard to shop for! We all know somebody who is just impossible to shop for. Either they don't have any hobbies, or they already have everything, or they're really old, like 90. No matter what the reason, these people are BASTARDS! (Beings Adding Stress To A Really Delightful Season.) I would never endorse trying to trick a friend but I think it's quite fine to trick these BASTARDS. All you have to do is ruin or "lose" something of theirs and then replace it at Christmas. This works well with CDs or DVDs. You just have to "borrow" them early in the year and hope that your friend forgets who borrowed it. Once they forget, you have your Christmas gift set! The added bonus is the fact that you already know the BASTARDS will like it and consider you to be very thoughtful. Be careful, this may not work well with tools since most men are connected to their power tools through an invisible umbilical cord. If you don't feel like stealing from BASTARDS then you could just break something of theirs. Toasters, lamps, door knobs, blenders, curling irons are all good ideas.

3) Internet Shopping! First, Play.com doesn't charge for shipping and Amazon does. Secondly, internet shopping isn't any easier than going to a store or mall. (Items in a store that you can see can be bought. There is no back-order malarkey!)

Happy Christmas!